One of the most important—and difficult—conversations parents can have with their children is about sex and sexuality. The awkwardness of the topic, combined with how much sexual content children and teenagers can be exposed to (often before they are ready to understand it), can be an obstacle to parents talking to their teens about sex. You might ask yourself, “How much does my child know?” or, “How much of what they know is out of date or completely incorrect?” or even, “How do I open a line of communication about healthy sexual behaviour without sounding judgmental or condescending?”
Without frank and open conversations about sex, teens might be susceptible to misinformation about sexual health or may not know how to resist external pressures to engage in behaviours they are not ready for. If you’re worried that your teen is engaging in risky behaviours or if they’re shutting you out when you try to talk to them about responsible sexual practices, professional help is available. Venture Academy has a proven track record across Canada for teen behavioural care. Call Venture Academy at [direct] to learn more about our programmes and interventions.
Why Talking to Teens About Sex Is Important
Sexual identity and expression are fundamental parts of a person’s identity. Even if your teen isn’t sexually active, having “the talk” with your teen is an important part of their sexual development. It lets them know that they can talk to you about sex and that you’ll approach their questions and concerns with respect and honesty. You can speak from your experience. Tell them about the mistakes you’ve made, how healthy sexual behaviours are essential to mature romantic relationships, and what you wish you knew when you were their age.
Even so, talking to your teen about sex is hard! Teens have access to so much information, both good and bad. Even if you try to keep an eye on the media your children consume, you won’t be able to see everything. They may be exposed to ideas and assumptions about sex that are old-fashioned, manipulative, or even flat-out wrong. By having these conversations with your teens, you give them the language they can use to empower and protect themselves.
How To Approach Talking to Teens About Sex
Just because this conversation is necessary doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s natural for parents to be anxious about having the teen sex talk. But, by keeping the following tips in mind, this conversation will be a lot easier for everyone involved.
Tip #1: Start Early
Indeed, you can’t go back in time. But, one of the most effective ways to help your teens be comfortable discussing sexual health and behaviours with you is to start those conversations. At the same time, they’re young, so address age-appropriate topics related to sex and sexuality. For very young children, the language of consent is important. Don’t force them to hug or kiss relatives and friends if they’re unwilling to do so, and help them recognise when their own behaviour might be making someone else uncomfortable. Teach children the medically accurate names for the parts of their bodies rather than euphemisms; this will help them more clearly articulate if something feels inappropriate or painful.
Part of starting early is the recognition that “the talk” is really an ongoing conversation. As children grow and become capable of understanding more, these early conversations will give them the language and confidence to discuss these matters with you openly and without shame. And, if you haven’t had those conversations yet, it’s never too late to start. Let your children and teens know that it’s safe for them to talk to you about sex, even if you both are starting from square one.
Tip #2: Get Familiar With the Facts and Be Honest When You Don’t Know Something
Kids have questions, and no one has all the answers. Many resources can help you identify and share age-appropriate information about sexual health. Remember that sexuality is just one aspect of identity and development; you’ll want to familiarise yourself with information about puberty, contraception and safe sex practices, menstruation, crushes, and more. Talk to your child’s paediatrician about questions and topics that are relevant to your child’s age group.
Additionally, if you don’t have an answer to a question, say so! Children and teens can be perceptive; they’ll be able to tell if you’re hedging on a subject or deflecting a question. But, acknowledging a gap in your own understanding can be a learning moment for both of you. You have the opportunity to learn something new with your teen, and your teen will recognise that you’ll tell them the truth about the important stuff.
Tip #3: Put the Teen Sex Talk in Context
Relationships and sex do not occur in a vacuum, and your teen must have the language to contextualise their relationships and behaviours. Talk about how familial, social, and, if applicable, religious values intersect with matters of healthy sex and relationships. Even if your children end up diverging from these guidelines later in life, these values can give you a starting point in your conversation. If you encounter media with your child that has sexual content, use it as a teachable moment and take the opportunity to talk about its appropriateness. Is it truthful in its representations of sexual relationships, or is it offering an exaggerated idea of what sex is? Does it reinforce harmful stereotypes about gender? Does it portray abusive or controlling behaviours as expressions of love? Sex is just one dimension of many adult relationships and is part of a complex network of values, identity, health, and more. It’s important for teens to understand the ways that sex and sexual relationships are aspects of their whole person.
What To Do if Your Teen’s Behaviour Around Sex Is Inappropriate or Unhealthy
Sexual identity and expression can be hard to address, and some teens may not know how to manage their impulses and relationships responsibly. If you are concerned that your teen is engaging in risky sexual behaviour and you don’t know how to reach them, help is available. Venture Academy offers a comprehensive, personalised approach to teen behavioural care in Canada. Our two campuses in Red Deer, AB and Barrie, ON make us accessible to families in need of help from across the country. For immediate assistance, call Venture Academy today at [direct] or reach out for more information about our programmes at any time on the web.